I've struggled with being overweight for most of my life. I've tried Weight Watchers several times, Atkins, LA Weight Loss, Low-cal/low-fat, South Beach, all with no substantial results. The most I've ever lost was somewhere in the 20-25 pound range, and at that point I would hit a brick wall. Then slowly the weight would creep back (and then some). I've felt like a lazy, disgusting failure for so many years I can't even imagine what it might be like to feel triumphant.
Almost two years ago I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. At first I had no clue what that meant, but after doing some reading I found out that, in addition to screwing with my periods (I never know when it's coming or how long it will last...not fun) and contributing to my anxiety and depression, my PCOS has gifted me with the ability to effortlessly gain weight, but makes it almost impossible to lose it.
I had mixed feelings upon hearing this. The first thing that went through my mind was a tidal wave of relief. I see myself as a very competent woman, and I'm typically able to do pretty much anything I set my mind to, except losing weight. For some reason I could just never get control in that area of my life. It made me feel so terrible and defeated. But hearing that there was an actual medical reason for it made me feel so...grateful. Like I could finally take some of the blame off myself and put it somewhere else. The downside, of course, was that this didn't really change anything. Knowing why doesn't solve the problem, so I was pretty much exactly where I started.
That's when I started really seriously reading about the Lap Band. Finally, after so many years, I think I have found a way to get where I want to be. I know that it's not a magic fix, and that I'll still have to work hard. I'm okay with that...I believe that anything worth having doesn't come easily. But hopefully my band will help level the playing field for me. I'm excited to document my journey here, to share my experiences with others and, hopefully, to find the network of support I'll need to help me through this.
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