Adventures in Breakfast

Some mornings, I'm not sure why I even got out of bed.  Like right now, I think I'm about to give up on today, go home and eat a gallon-sized bowl of cheerios while overdosing on Netflix.  Let me describe for you in embarrassing detail what happened with my breakfast this morning:

I usually can't eat right when I first wake up.  That's not a band thing, it's just the way I've always been.  Every once in a while I'll wake up starving, but usually I need to wait a good couple hours before I eat anything of substance.  So today--I got to work and cleared out all of the urgent inbox items, then went to heat up my oatmeal.  I dumped some oats into my bowl and at that second, realized that I had started my period.  Great.  I need to get to the bathroom NOW.  So I threw my oatmeal in the microwave for 2:30 and ran out the door.  I'm almost to the door that leads to the main hallway (where the bathrooms are located) when I realize I've forgotten my security badge, without which I can't get back inside to my desk & oatmeal.  I run back to my desk, grab the badge, and head for the potty room again.  This time I made it all the way to the hallway door when I realize...I've forgotten a tampon.  By now I am ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE I've started, and things need to be taken care of immediately.  I run back and grab a tampon, brush off the friendly coworker attempting to make conversation, and head BACK to the bathroom.  Finally.  All is well.  But wait...

This is where I realize that I put my oatmeal in the microwave without adding any water to it.  What happens to dry oatmeal in the microwave?  I have no clue.  I speed-walk back to the break room and open the microwave, which only has like 5 seconds left on it.  I poke around at the hard, somewhat gummy oats in the bottom of the bowl.  I add water and stir everything around, and the consistency actually looks pretty normal.  I pop it back in the microwave, reducing the cook time a bit, and ONCE AGAIN head to the bathroom.

*TMI ALERT*

So by this time, I have to, um, clean myself off a bit, and there was blood on my thighs and I'd pretty much ruined a pair of panties.  Luckily they're black, so maybe...I don't know.  Yeah, yeah, I know...you made the decision to read past the TMI alert so you only have yourself to blame!  And okay, in the interest of full disclosure, I had to clean up the floor a little, too.  UGH.  This day already kind of sucks.

I finish my clean-up job, wash my hands and head back to the break room, ready for some breakfast.  It sounds like a good idea, just eating my oatmeal in peace after the morning's shenanigans.  I open the microwave and I swear there is not one inch of that thing not covered in oatmeal.  There's like 1/3 cup still in the bowl, and the rest of it is coating the tray, walls and top of the microwave.  At this point I just started laughing.  People were coming in and out, getting coffee and washing their dished and refilling their water bottles, and I'm just mopping away at the microwave and laughing like some kind of mental patient.

Yeah, so...that's been my morning so far.  I just can't wait to find out what happens next!

-Mon